Overcoming the fear of not being good enough
Are you good enough? Yeah, me neither.
I took a long break from writing; I have a bunch of drafts just waiting to be published, but they were all about my outfits or the new house. Nothing felt right so I had to stop and I had to understand myself and the feeling of whatever I'm doing end up being just average.
And there's that word, average. I truly despise it and, I worked hard my whole life to avoid it, but it's there, looming over me and reminding me that I'm normal, I'm average. I'm not good enough. I should be better, I can't do this, I'm a failure. It does sound overly dramatic, but that's something I can try to control but some days I fail, crawl into my insecurities hole and feel like a loser.
Not all days are like this, I have good days where I'm all confidence and happiness and my own cheerleader, I believe in my abilities and those days I'm all about goals and bullet journaling. But my confidence disappears when I look myself in the mirror or when I'm incapable of answering a question fast enough or I compare myself with other people.
I want to be the best, a good blogger, a great marketer, the best wife, daughter, friend. A good cook, photographer, house maker and decorator. I want to be smart and feel like I'm capable and rationally I understand that it's impossible to be perfect, to be good at everything. But I fail at understanding why I can't be all of these things and it deeply affects my self-confidence and love.
I just can't show you these pretty dresses and not tell you that I feel fat or not pretty enough. Or write a post and questioning if I sound smart or qualified to do this. I want Life with Bela to show that I'm not perfect because perfection is unreal.
I need to work on letting go of the person I thought I was and embrace who I really am, I don't have everything together and the struggle is real, but I'll get there eventually. Showing you who I really am, not always put together, not perfect, a little chubby and insecure but working on it.