6 ways to get over a friend's breakup
Oh, you guys, this is a tough one for me, and I'm doing it right now because my latest friend break-up is just less than one week old and, well I have to admit that my handling of this situation wasn't the best. And, while writing this and talking to my therapist about it read "time heals all wounds," it doesn't make reality any better, time will heal me but, it will take a while to soothe this ache.
Having guy friends has been a huge part of my life and, honestly the easiest kind of relationship for a gal like me, I like star wars, sports and, boys do too. So my guys are extremely important to me, losing them hits me hard.
However, in my neverending weirdness, I'm guilty of making some mistakes. Now, I need to get over this particular breakup, and it's shaping to be the hardest kind. Guys take their friendships in a different light than us girls and, I might be here sulking over nothing because he's okay, but he might just be as sad as I am. (Or not, who knows, he won't tell me, the d*ck).
Friendships are a unique thing and when something happens that changes the dynamics, well it's hard and it takes time to bounce back. And, let's face it when you break up with a boyfriend, girlfriend, lover it's socially acceptable to be a useless ice cream eating pj's wearing human, but what happens when you lose a member of your tribe? How do you rebound from that?
Well, I'm not doing a great job right now because I cried a lot and it sucks to wake up and not send a dumb text to my friend, I'm meaner than usual (which it's the thing that got me in this mess, more on that later). So, how am I doing this? Not too well I might add. For example handling Facebook after a friend break-up: unfriend? Unfollow? Ignore? Keep liking their stuff like nothing ever happened? Silently fume every time they update? YES.
First things first, a step by step guide to get back to normal
Talk it over
I know, talking to someone who hurt your feelings is the absolute worst but let the whole situation simmer it's just as bad. Avoid if possible to fight via text, a lot gets lost that way. I wish I'd listened to my advice because it was my angry text the thing that made the world burn. I regretted it immediately after hitting send. Don't be like Bela. Use FaceTime.
Apologize, make amends
I'm guilty of not using my sweet words and recur to name calling during this particular breakup, while all that I needed to say was: "sometimes you suck and you hurt my feelings, but I really care about you, and I miss you." I did apologize and not used sarcasm but, it didn't feel right. He wasn't having it.
Give it time
It's okay to be sad and to indulge on our sadness; it took a bottle of cava, ugly cries galore and a terrible soundtrack for me to feel like I can deal with this; I told my husband about the fight, I asked him to deal with me while I move on. I need to let go and move on so I'm working on making sure this is the right thing for me. Losing my friend hurts like hell because we were close and when we were together things were pretty amazing but, sometimes you need to come to terms that even the best things sometimes come to an end.
Work on yourself
It's normal to grieve after friend breakups. Every time we lose a relationship or person we cared about it's like a little death. Try not to grieve alone. That can snowball into depression. These are the words of my therapist, who also asked me to be to stop being angry. Anger led me to this, so I need to work on myself, silver lining? My boxing skills are getting so good.
Get some closure
Once you get detached from the relationship, send a text or call. Make sure you let them know that there are no hard feelings, it's actually easier to get over something in a positive light than just hold a grudge.
Try to be less weird and make some new friends
Dudettes (and dudes), this is a hard one, but it's necessary, go outside and meet some people. I know some friends feel like no one can take their place (this one, in particular, is pretty irreplaceable to me) but don't dwell on that. You might find someone else to sing to The Veronicas while driving. It's all possible.
Losing a friend is one of the toughest things that a woman or a man (maybe), can go through. Especially when that person is a text away but is too busy to respond. It'll be okay, and you will get [irrationally] angry when you see his/her Instagram and find that someone else took your place. But, trust me: that's never the case. Let's get over this, shall we?